Nicki Lynn (Corsen) Raufer, my loving wife of 48 years, passed away on November 5th. The diagnosis we received this past summer – gallbladder cancer – was both relatively rare, and unfortunately very aggressive. Her last few months were difficult – but family and friends (and my HNC colleagues & students) helped to make an untenable situation bearable, with love and caring on all fronts.

I first met Nicki in the cafeteria at college, where we both had jobs: hers on the serving line, and mine cleaning tables, mopping the floor, and keeping the milk machines stocked. I was amazed that such a beautiful young woman would go out with a geeky, skinny chemical engineering student….. and was completely & utterly enthralled!

Many who knew both of us were surprised at how different we were, starting with the basics: she was an only child, and I was from a family with eleven children. She had an artistic bent, making picturesque crafts and remarkable quilts, and toys for the pre-school children she taught. [On one of our first dates, I punched holes in paper plates so the kids could make maraca-like musical instruments with beans and ribbon.] She always loved children, and spent almost three decades as a Montessori pre-school teacher. Of course, I realized only later that she used exactly those same techniques on me too (e.g., “Would you like to do x today, or would you like to do y?”; giving me the appearance of choice, but nonetheless carefully framing my options.)

 

The original selfie? (circa 1970)

She in turn went gamely along as I moved her away from her Ohio roots, to Chicago and New Jersey, and traveling the world to more distant residences in Kingston, Jamaica and Nanjing, China.

The key joys of our shared life are three daughters…. and now our sons-in-law and five grandchildren too. It is certainly telling that Nicki passed away in a facility immediately near one of them – and all of them played a key supportive and caring role taking care of her (and their Dad!) over her final months.

I have been incredibly blessed, in many, many ways.

Love you, hon!